Ngā Hononga

Introduction

Te Whāriki identifies ngā hononga (relationships) as a fundamental aspect of children’s development, noting that “it is through responsive and reciprocal relationships with people, places and things that children have opportunities to try out their ideas and refine their working theories”.

Te Whāriki identifies ngā hononga (relationships) as a fundamental aspect of children’s development, noting that “it is through responsive and reciprocal relationships with people, places and things that children have opportunities to try out their ideas and refine their working theories.

(Ministry of Education, 2017, p.21).

“Working theories are a way in which children draw on and apply ideas and understandings accumulated from their personal and social experiences, in order to make sense of their world. The concept of working theories celebrates children’s unique ways of thinking and inquiring.”

(Hargraves, 2019)

Te Whāriki maintains that relationships are not limited to those of today, but within a Te Ao Māori worldview include connections to people and place through whakapapa.

In this section we explore some of the relationships that are central to children’s lives during middle childhood and how we can support richer relationships during this period of development.

Mana Atua | Wellbeing

Mana atua (wellbeing) refers to the nurturing of children’s wellbeing, the promotion of their health, and their protection from harm.

Healthy relationships are an essential aspect of wellbeing throughout childhood, expanding as children enter middle childhood to encompass a wider group of people – not only family but also peers and adults that children interact with through schooling, extracurricular activities, services and in play. The importance of relationships with peers and other adults increases as children age and begin to seek social and emotional support from beyond parental relationships.

Positive relationships protect children from harm and enable them to develop the skills needed to keep themselves safe and healthy as they grow. They provide a safe space for children to express their emotions and needs. Children’s own perceptions of their relationships provide insight into how valued and safe they feel.

During middle childhood children’s relationships deepen as they gain the cognitive and emotional skills to navigate and maintain more complex and varied relationships (Evans et al., 2023).

The Value of Relationships in Children’s Lives

Having good relationships with family and friends, and being valued and respected for who they are, have been identified by children and young people as among the top three things needed to have a good life (Mana Mokopuna, 2019).

According to the findings of the Growing Up in New Zealand longitudinal study (2023), the presence of positive relationships leads to

— Find out more about children’s relationships:

• Growing Up in New Zealand Now We Are Twelve Relationships Snapshot (2022) and full report
• See also the Mana Mokopuna What Makes A Good Life? Report (2019)

Mana Whenua | Belonging

Within Te Whāriki, mana whenua (belonging) speaks to children’s connections with whānau and the wider world being affirmed and extended. This enables tamariki to recognise their turangawaewae (place to stand) – a fundamental aspect of belonging.

Belonging is generally first understood for children within the context of their family and whānau. It is the primary relationship that affirms a child’s place in the world and is likely to shape their experience of other relationships as they grow.

The value of family and whānau has previously been upheld in Aotearoa through the Families Commission, which acted as an advocate for families generally and produced and promoted research relating to families. The Commission was established in 2004 and in 2014 became Superu, which was subsequently disestablished in 2018. The loss of this organisation, and its focus on understanding the strengths and challenges experienced by families in New Zealand, has left a gap in recent research that provides insight into this aspect of children’s lives.

We explore below some of the facets of family and children’s belonging through the lens of middle childhood.

Family & Whānau

“Families are the foundation of our society; in whatever form they take. Throughout the ages they have provided the social input to the development of dynamic and effective societies.”

(The Families Commission, 2008, p.11)

The former Families Commission identified four core functions of families, being:

• “the nurturing, rearing, socialisation, and protection of children maintaining and improving the wellbeing of family members by providing them with emotional and material support
• the psychological “anchorage” of adults and children by way of affection, companionship and a sense of belonging and identity
• passing on culture, knowledge, values, attitudes, obligations, and property from one generation to the next”
  Cribb, 2009, p.4).

While these functions apply in most cultures, different groups of people prioritise certain aspects of family over others.

Whānau is the Māori concept of family, which expands beyond Western concepts of the nuclear family. Whānau is defined as a larger family unit based on a common whakapapa (descent from a shared ancestor or ancestors), who maintain certain responsibilities and obligations to each other. Another understanding of whānau is that of Kaupapa whānau, where people are connected through a shared mission and as a result behave together as a family (Durie (1994) in Cunningham et. al, 2005, p. 13).

Growing Up in New Zealand findings report that at age eight:

• 70% of children lived in households with two parents – this was an increase from 66% during the antenatal period. It is more likely for European children, and children living rurally, to live in households with two parents, than other ethnicities or children in urban areas.
• 16% of children (1 in 6) lived in households with at least one parent and extended family, and 4% lived in households with at least one parent and someone who is not kin, such as a flatmate. This indicated a decrease from the antenatal period, which continued to age 12 when only 12% of children were living with extended family. It is more likely for Pacific, Asian and Māori children, and children living in urban areas, to live with extended family than European children, or those living rurally.
• 10% lived in single parent households – an increase from 3% in the antenatal period. This increased slightly to 17% of children at 12 years. It is more likely for Māori children to live in single parent households than other ethnicities (Morton et.al, 2020).

While information about siblings wasn’t available, the birth rate in New Zealand has been declining for some time and sits at 1.56 births per woman (2023). The average maternal birth age has also risen, meaning that women are having fewer children and having them when they are older (Statistics NZ, 2024).

Find out more by reading this factsheet on Families and Whānau (2023) from Growing Up in New Zealand or previous reports such as Now We are Eight (2020).

Outside of Growing Up in New Zealand reporting there appears to be a gap in research focused on families, particularly since the disestablishment of the Families Commission. The following reports are dated but provide some insight into the nature of families in Aotearoa.

The Families Commission 2008 report The Kiwi Nest: 60 years of change in New Zealand families outlines the form families have taken and continue to take in New Zealand, and the drivers of change that contribute to the shape of families today.

Key changes to family structures over this period include greater diversity of family make-up, greater rates of divorce and de factor relationships, lower rates of marriage and reproduction, and an increase in maternal birth age and life expectancy.

Analysis of the Characteristics of Whānau in Aotearoa – a report published in 2005 by Massey University – outlines the characteristics of whānau.

Parenting

Few would argue that the experience of parenting has changed considerably in Aotearoa over the past fifty years as our communities have transitioned from the nostalgic “village” approach to raising children, to the faster-paced and less connected neighbourhoods of today.

The rates of working mothers, and caregiving fathers have increased, as have the rates of two-earner families. Families are more reliant on paid childcare and are less likely to live close to or with extended family who can provide childcare.

At the same time the availability of information and opinion regarding parenting is more readily available to parents from a much wider range of sources. Where previously there may have been a smaller circle of family, peers and professionals influencing a parent or caregiver’s approach to parenting, today’s parents and caregivers have access to endless and conflicting information online. Social norms about what is considered acceptable behaviour from both children and parents/caregivers are less clear than in previous generations.

Most children experience positive parenting relationships, with most mothers involved in the Growing Up in NZ study reporting frequently expressing affection for their child, enjoying listening to and spending time with their child, and always or often telling their child how happy they make them (Morton et. al, 2020).

“Parental display of appropriate warmth or affection is found to predict positive child developmental outcomes, and has been found to act as an important protective factor during childhood adversity.”

(Morton et. al, 2020, p.55)

While most mothers (72%) reported feeling supported in their parenting, 11% of mothers, more likely to be single parents, felt they rarely or never had enough support (Morton et. al, 2020). Parents may seek support from specific services in relation to developmental concerns or may seek support generally to enable them to gain knowledge, confidence and skills in their approach to parenting.

A range of parenting programmes exist today to support parents and grow parenting skills. Courses focused on middle childhood typically include information about connecting with your child, reflecting on parenting styles, managing misbehaviour and discipline strategies and understanding how to support children through the types of situations and challenges they may encounter during this age stage.

The availability of parenting courses will vary depending on location. Courses may be inaccessible to parents due to timing, or lack of finance or childcare. Long waitlists and a lack of funding, or narrow access criteria for funded courses, means many willing parents miss out. In some cases, parents may perceive referral to parenting support as a criticism. Feedback from professionals working with tamariki in this age group suggests that children and their families would benefit greatly from increased access to parenting education.

Tupuna Parenting

Tūpuna Parenting is focused on decolonising parenting practice by reclaiming traditional Māori parenting ways. Tūpuna Parenting shares mātauranga Māori relating to parenting practice with parents and practitioners.

– Click to find out more about Tūpuna Parenting

The Incredible Years

• Incredible Years Parent: a 14-session programme for parents of children aged 3-8, which provides parents with skills to better support children, creating a positive home environment to promote children’s social and emotional competence, and communication skills.
• Incredible Years Autism: a 14 session, group-based programme for parents of children aged 2–5 on the autism spectrum.

Building Awesome Whānau

The Parenting Place’s Building Awesome Whānau programme draws on the wisdom of mātauranga Māori and the best of the Toolbox parenting courses to offer a kaupapa that is unique to Aotearoa. Designed for whānau raising children aged 0-12, this course can be delivered over a number of weeks, or as a wānanga.

— Find out more about Building Awesome Whānau

Click on the names to find out more about other examples of parenting programmes including:

• Toolbox Primary Years
• Triple P Parenting
• Tuning Into Kids
• Parenting Through Separation
• Kids Feeling Safe
• The Parenting Journey
• Game On Parenting for Dad

Flourish Taranaki is a community collaboration focused on making parenting a little bit easier. Flourish fosters “village building” by offering opportunities for parents to be supported, connect, grow and play

— Click to find out more about parenting in Now We Are Eight (2020)

Grandparents

Grandparents play a key role in the lives of children through shared experiences, nurturing and the passing on of skills, knowledge, and whakapapa to the next generation.

The former Families Commission conducted a survey in 2009 identifying that for most grandparents, the pleasures of grandparenting outweighed the pressures (Kerslake Hendricks, 2010). However there has been little research in Aotearoa on this topic since the Commission was disestablished.

Research from the United Kingdom indicates that children who enjoyed a high level of grandparental involvement in their life had fewer emotional and behavioural problems (Hale, 2023). Being actively engaged in grandparenting not only benefits children but has been shown to improve cognitive and physical wellbeing for older people.

Grandparents contribute significantly to providing informal childcare to families: the Childcare in New Zealand Survey identified that 24% of children were cared for by grandparents in 2017 (Statistics New Zealand, 2017).

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

In addition to traditional grandparent input, some may find themselves taking on full-time care of grandchildren.

There are almost 10,000 grandparents raising their grandchildren in New Zealand, according to the 2018 Census. This can be a challenging and isolating situation for many grandparents – adjusting to caring 24/7 for a child who may have experienced prior trauma, trying to navigate the system of support that may be available to them as a caregiver and for some, caring for an existing spouse and/or continuing to work.

Typically, the Unsupported Child Benefit will provide financial support to grandparents in this situation however some may struggle to access this due to lack of awareness or the evidence
that is required to demonstrate the parent-child relationship breakdown. There are also inconsistencies in the level of financial support children being raised by grandchildren receive in comparison to those in state care (Mana Ake, 2020) (Keogh, 2023).

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren provides services to grandparents across New Zealand who are caring for grandchildren. Services are focused on empowering grandparent and whānau care families so that they can raise resilient and healthy tamariki and rangatahi.

— Click to find out more about Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
— Read the Families Commission’s report: Changing Roles: The pleasures and pressures of being a grandparent in New Zealand

Adoption

Oranga Tamariki oversees the adoption system in Aotearoa.

Most adoptions in New Zealand are open adoptions which enable both sets of parents and the child to establish the level of information sharing and/or contact that may occur between
the child and their birth parents. Our adoption system supports children having access to information about their birth family to ensure the child can retain the important connection to their whakapapa and identity.

Children have a legal right to information about their birth parents once they reach the age of 20. Once an adopted child turns 19, they can elect to prevent their birth parents from accessing
information about them by vetoing this information on their adoption records. Children can request information about other members of their birth family (such as siblings) and a Family Court Judge will determine whether to make this information available to the adopted child (Oranga Tamariki, 2023).

424 children aged 6 years and older have been adopted in New Zealand in the past 10 years.

In 2023 adoptions for this age group made up 20% (22) of total adoptions (110). Over the past 10 years the number of adoptions per year of children aged 6 and older has ranged between 70 (2016) and 21 (2022) (Ministry of Justice, 2024).

Oranga Tamariki also has responsibility for international adoptions which are carried out under the Adoption (Intercountry) Act 1997 in accordance with the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption.

—Click to find out more about Adoption and Intercountry Adoption

Whāngai

Whāngai is a Māori custom where a child is raised by someone other than their birth parents. Mātua whāngai (caregivers who will raise the child) usually come from within the child’s whānau but may be unrelated. Typically, the child will continue to have a relationship with their birth parents.

As whāngai is an informal arrangement, the child’s birth parents remain the legal guardians of the child and there is no input required from statutory agencies such as Oranga Tamariki, however whāngai is recognised within the Māori Land Court when it comes to inheriting property.

Mana Tangata | Contribution

Mana tangata (contribution) affirms children as individuals and seeks to see children recognise their own abilities and grow capable of treating others fairly, including others in play, and learning alongside them.

Relationships with peers reflect and influence children’s development and their contribution to the world around them during middle childhood. Developments in the brain mean that children are more able to communicate their own feelings and interests, and consider those of others. With this comes greater understanding of social norms and hierarchies, and how their behaviour affects others.

It is during middle childhood that bullying emerges as an issue for many children, impacting negatively on their self-confidence and belonging. Increasing numbers of children connecting online have lead to online bullying become a more prominent issue during this stage of development.

As a society we must be mindful of the ways in which bullying behaviour is inadvertently reinforced and how we can invest further in guiding children to navigate social dynamics and develop positive, healthy relationships with their peers.

Bullying

Bullying is a longstanding issue experienced by many children in Aotearoa and at a higher rate than many other countries. The prevalence of bullying is widespread, with 46% of primary-age students reporting having been bullied at school, according to research carried out by the Education Review Office in 2019.

Additional research suggests that bullying is more prevalent during late primary/intermediate, peaking around age 12 and decreasing as children age. The most common forms of bullying are being made fun of or being excluded from activities. (Kljakovic et al., 2015) (Mhuru, 2020).

Bullying is deliberate, involves a misuse of power, is persistent (typically occurs more than once) and causes deliberate harm to another person. Victims of bullying experience feelings of fear
and powerlessness. While traditional understandings of bullying include name calling, exclusion and violence in the schoolyard or on the street corner, the nature of bullying has evolved over
time due to increased use and accessibility of digital technology and the emergence of cyberbullying. Online bullying can occur in a variety of ways, including sending unwanted or offensive content (messages/images/videos) to others, sharing content without permission, or establishing fake accounts or profiles on social media platforms. While the impacts of face-to-face bullying tactics tend to be visible to the bully, the impacts of online bullying may be less so. (Pink Shirt Day, 2023)

Bullying can have a damaging effect on children’s sense of wellbeing and self-confidence, peer relationships, engagement at school, educational outcomes and longer-term outcomes such as the likelihood of committing crime, abusing substances, and experiencing relationship difficulties (Dickinson, 2019). Students who experience bullying are more likely to experience depression or anxiety. Those found to be more at risk of experiencing bullying include children experiencing socioeconomic disadvantage, disability or health issues, those identifying as LGBTQIA+, and those in school years 7-10 (Mhuru, 2020).

Bullying is a deterrent to children wanting to attend school. In the Kōrero Mātauranga Education Conversations 2018 survey of primary and secondary students, students identified bullying as an
issue requiring urgent attention and that currently not enough is being done to address this issue in schools. A 2022 report by the Education Review Office found that almost 40% of parents would keep children home from school to avoid bullying, while 10% of students noted bullying as a reason why they would avoid school.

— Find out more:

• Read What do we know about bullying behaviours? (2020) – a report published by the Ministry of Education.
• Read children’s views on bullying in the Mai World Child & Youth Voices on Bullying in Aotearoa report (2017)
• Find out about the Bullying Free New Zealand Schools Framework

A range of bullying prevention efforts exist:

Safe School Environments

A safe, caring school environment where students feel a sense of belonging can have a positive impact on bullying prevention. School Boards of Trustees are responsible for providing a safe
physical and emotional environment for children under National Administration Guideline 5, including provision for cyber safety. Schools are encouraged to adopt bullying prevention and
response policies however these may vary widely given the self-governing nature of schools and the extent to which bullying is prevalent or recognised. A lack of consistent measurement of bullying behaviour across schools limits understanding of how serious and widespread this issue may be for tamariki. According to the Education Review Office only 38% of New Zealand schools were working towards a bullying-free environment “to a great extent” in 2019 (Collins, 2019).

— Click to find out more about Safe School Environments
— Click to read Our Kind of School (2021) – a report that identifies the markers of a positive, safe and inclusive school environment

Wellbeing@School Survey

The Wellbeing@School Survey is a toolkit that enables schools to self-review with a focus on promoting a safe and caring social climate that deters behaviours such as bullying. This toolkit comprises anonymous student surveys targeted at students in Years 5-8 and Years 7-13, which pose questions relating to students’ experiences of different behaviour at school, and awareness of strategies in place to promote safe and caring behaviours.

— Find out more about the Wellbeing@School Survey

Pink Shirt Day

Pink Shirt Day is an international initiative aimed at reducing bullying by celebrating diversity and promoting kindness and inclusivity. Participants in schools and workplaces are encouraged to wear pink and donate to the Mental Health Foundation’s bullying awareness and prevention activities. Participating schools are provided resources to engage students in discussion about bullying. Over 2,700 schools and kura across Aotearoa engage with Pink Shirt Day.

— Click to find out more about Pink Shirt Day

Bullying Prevention Programmes

Sticks ‘n Stones

Sticks ‘n Stones are NZ’s multi award winning, authentic partnership with young people to challenge, change and prevent the norms, attitudes and behaviours that accept bullying. Through providing in person training for students aged 8-18 as well as co-designing apps, resources, activities and opportunities for positive social change, Sticks ‘n Stones centres the voices and experiences of young people and uses school specific action research to tailor one-size-fits-one support. Sticks ‘n Stones believes in providing a wide range of leadership opportunities with a belief in non-traditional leadership opportunities so that young people develop their own strengths, skills and experience and view leadership and their ability to affect change holistically. They happily share resources, research and how they work with others.

— Click to find out more about Sticks ‘n Stones

KiVa

KiVa is an international evidence-based bullying prevention programme that focuses on prevention, intervention and monitoring. The goal of KiVa is to prevent bullying and to teach how to manage cases of bullying effectively. At least 50 New Zealand schools have implemented KiVa.

— Click to find out more about KiVa

NetSafe Bullying Resources

NetSafe’s online bullying help for young people provides guidance on how to manage online bullying, and the avenues available for seeking assistance.

-Find out more about NetSafe

Friendship

Middle childhood is a period of significant development in children’s relationships with peers. Find out more on page 15 of the Kotahitanga section.